While in Puerto Rico, Jim and I decided to go snorkeling. This would actually be the first time I ever swam in the ocean. This was a bit scary for me, because one of my long time phobias has been deep water... even large pools with deep ends, or large aquarium tanks (the kind that hold thousands of gallons, not the ones at PetSmart) freak me out.

But, I decided I would research this and do it.

So I dutifully read up enough to know there aren't any killer sharks in the Puerto Rico area, and booked a snorkeling trip.

When we arrived at the snorkeling hut at our resort, they handed us the gear and told us to practice in the pool. Once I got the hang of that, it was kind of fun. We practiced using our underwater cameras, too.

Jim hates this photo of himself, but for some reason really likes that shot of me. I wonder why....

We have new guides. Not new as in "they've never taken anyone snorkeling before," but new as in "they've only worked for this resort for 3 days" new.

Well, they are used to using their own boat, not the resort boat, so they don't check it out quite well enough. Not only is that *not* an easy on/easy off boat, but one of the people on the boat is 6 months pregnant. Which is all fine until once we are in the water and they realize the rope ladder is gone.

So captain courageous and his wife decide to try and "make" a ladder out of rope. Needless to say, that doesn't work.

At this point the tired, the new to snorkeling (that's me), and the pregnant want out of the water for 5 seconds so they can grab a drink of water and add some more suntan lotion. So the Captain decides he will ground the boat on a dead area of coral. So Mrs. Captain has us all come over and stand (you're never never never never supposed to stand on the coral! It kills the coral and... well, you'll see) in a shallow "dead" area, which wasn't 100% dead.

Well, the water, all 18 inches of it, is too deep to ground the boat. So the boat leaves in search of a ladder-- with our second underwater camera, our water, and our suntan lotion on it.

Mrs. Captain says the boat will be right back, and for us to stay where we are unless we feel comfortable exploring the reef on our own. Now, this is the first time I've ever been snorkeling. I am not going off on my own. It was not a particularly good reef for new snorkelers, either. The reef was very tall, and there were places where there was imply no room for an adult body to go over or around the coral without touching it. People were getting burns from the coral (that's actually why the expectant mother wanted out of the water). Our group is sucking up all the maneuvering space and I don't know enough about ocean swimming to know where it's safe to go. I *try* to stay put.

I say try because it is incredibly hard to stand in fins. It is even harder to stand in fins when you are standing right where the waves break on the reef. Additionally, the one message Captain of the Seas had for us was "never never ever touch the coral." So I'm standing in water that's going from 18 inches to 3 feet with each crash of the waves-- too shallow to just float, trying to stand on fins I've never worn before, and trying really really hard not to touch the coral.

Meanwhile we're watching the boat go back to shore when it just stops. We have no means of communication, but know that something is terribly wrong. The engines went out on the boat! No one's monitoring the shore side radio! The boat has to drift in on the tide! We are now standing on the reef with no water, no suntan lotion, and no way to get off, watching a broken boat with no ladder.

Instead of moving us to someplace that would be better, where we could tread or float, Mrs. Captain Courageous calls the entire group into the dead zone. Where we wait.

It is at this point that I lose my balance for about the 5th time.

I've seen the fire coral. I've seen the blisters on the chest of the guy who brushed the fire coral. I may be falling but I am not putting my hand out to stop me. Now, I didn't see this, I only felt it, but Jim saw it.

I fell on a sea anemone. I thought I had scraped my leg on some dead coral. Alas, no.

We wait some more. My leg burns. Jim is out of film.

Finally the main resort boat comes out for us, after Captain Superstar guides the boat in by hand. Very apologetic, but they didn't think to bring us water or towels on the new boat... all that stuff is stuck on broken boat.

At this point our 3 hour trip has been something like 4 1/2 and we haven't had fresh water in a long time.

The manager of the resort proceeds to offer us all a drink at the bar. I think about this.  I don't want alcohol. My arms are already giving off heat waves from my incipient sun burn. But I wouldn't turn down a free Coke.

So I ask him his name. He looks confused, "So I can tell them in the bar who said we could have a drink." He tells me his name and then thinks to radio us in... as a group of 12.

We get off the boats and run far away from the snorkeling hut, straight to the bar.

Jim and I are starving at this point. Lunch was supposed to be part of this day.

We decide to order some lunch, and bill that to the room. But I don't want to order our "free" drinks unless someone knows about it. And no one does. After we have ordered anyway (too hungry to wait) their manager shows up and knows all about it. At which point they are so embarrassed to have not known they comp. our entire lunch and try to get us to eat more (!).

Finally we head back to the room to desalt and start the aloe process.

Benadryl works on contact rashes from jungle plants, mosquito bites and bizarre unseen jungle insect bites. It doesn't work on sea anemone stings.